Sa Ta Na Ma - Story by Gudrun Dreher

 

Sa Ta Na Ma 

A Story by Gudrun Dreher

 

“Damn, I screwed it up again!” Melody stopped in the middle of the phrase and put down her violin. In fact, she had to control herself to avoid slamming it into the case. “I really don’t know why I can’t play that piece,” she said. “I have practiced a lot this time. In fact, I have practiced this stupid passage almost every single day!”

“Practicing doesn’t help if you practice mindlessly,” Saoman said. “You have to focus on what you are doing. You have to listen!” 

“I know,” she said and snapped the case shut. “I just can’t focus on anything at the moment. Not having a job is driving me nuts. I can’t live off my credit card forever.”

“Nobody told you to live off your credit card forever,” Saoman said. “It’s your choice.”

“I have no job,” Melody replied. “And if I don’t get that passage down, there is no point in even applying for that teaching position either. Apparently, they ask all applicants to play this presto – and my fingers are just not up to moving so fast.”

“Music has nothing to do with your fingers,” Saoman said. “Take out your violin again.”

“There is no point,” Melody insisted. “I can’t play that stupid passage. It’s not even difficult. It’s just that I mess up when someone is listening – or when I imagine that someone might be listening.”

“Take out your violin again!”

“There is no point,” Melody repeated.

“Take it out again! Now!”

The tone in his voice made her obey. Saoman was usually not that bossy. This must be really important to him. She therefore opened the case again and took out her violin and her bow.

“Forget about that presto for now,” Saoman said. Just play some open strings. Start with the G string.”

Melody obeyed – mechanically.

“Pay attention to the sound,” Saoman said. “Imagine that it’s your sound. Connect your heart to it!”

“You are funny,” Melody smiled.

“You see,” Saoman smiled as well, “you are feeling better already. “The secret is always in the heart. Your heart has to be connected to your hands. If that connection is missing, nothing you do will work.”

The G-sound was getting louder and more beautiful. Saoman went several steps away from her. “Make your sound touch me here!” he pointed at his own heart. 

“You are nuts,” Melody said but tried to reach his heart with the sound anyway.

Saoman now went to the very back of the room – as far away from her as he could. The sound was getting bigger and bigger. It was filling the room – and not only the room. It seemed to go beyond the walls and reach out. But it didn’t only reach outside the room, it reached inside as well. Melody could feel the sound inside her own body now. It seemed to come not so much from the violin string but from her muscles and bones, her very cells. Everything was connected to this sound and in this sound and by this sound – from her innermost being out to the universe – one pulse expanding and echoing back. She could feel her heart vibrating to the sound – as well as Saoman’s heart and the chair she was sitting on. The wall and the lamp and the window frame were all vibrating to the sound as well. 

She stopped playing – but the sound was still there – still vibrating in the air through her and through the walls out into the yard and to the trees in the nearby forest….

“How is that possible?” She looked at Saoman. Why is that sound still there?” 

“Because it has always been there. You were just too busy to listen.” 

“Don’t be silly!” Melody said. She was angry. But the sound was still there and seemed to take her anger away. She felt very close to Saoman – and not just to Saoman but to everybody. But it didn’t make any sense….

“I have to go,” she said. “I promised Mom to come by for dinner.”

“Do what you need to do,” Saoman was still smiling – as if he knew that she could still hear the sound.

 

* * *

 

Melody put her violin in the case – very gently this time. The sound was still there. It was ringing not just inside her head but echoing through the room as well. It was a beautiful sound – but she couldn’t really locate it: it seemed to come from inside her and from outside and all around her at the same time….

Melody had to think of some of the creation stories she had heard about in her anthropology class. She had been familiar only with the mainstream one: in the beginning was the word – which meant, on one level, as her anthropology professor had pointed out, that in the beginning was an idea. 

However, the interesting thing was that in some of the creation myths, including the mainstream one she was most familiar with, Genesis, the idea had to be spoken, that is, it had, as her anthropology instructor had phrased it, “to find its manifestation in sound.” Then he had added – and she had really liked this idea, “the word, which is sound, is also, of course, connected to music. And that’s why some people have argued that ‘in the beginning was not the word, but the music.’” 

He had told them some Native creation stories where a group of Spirit-Beings – mostly represented as various kinds of Animals – sing, quite literally, the world into being.

She also remembered now that he had mentioned some Vedic story – or maybe it wasn’t a story but part of Vedic philosophy – that said that god had created the primal sounds first. And out of these primal sounds arose everything else. 

Melody tried to recall these primal sounds – but she couldn’t remember them. 

 

* * *

 

There was hardly any traffic on the road that led to her mother’s place, but today, Melody was driving slowly. The G sound was still everywhere. In fact, even the engine of her car seemed to join in and hum. It would have been spooky, if she hadn’t felt so relaxed and peaceful. Her breath, too, seemed to be part of the sound. And so was, of course, her heart-beat….

“I am crazy,” she thought. “Saoman always has these weird ideas – and confuses everybody.” 

But she didn’t feel confused at all. Strangely enough, her mind had never been as clear before as it was now: clear and relaxed. 

To hell with that stupid job! She wanted it, but she didn’t care if she got it or not. She felt happy – almost protected – yes, protected by that sound.

Sa Ta Na Ma – Sa Ta Na Ma – Sa Ta Na Ma – yes, she suddenly remembered. Those were the primal sounds her anthropology teacher had mentioned. Apparently, they were connected to Satnam, which meant ‘true essence’ or ‘innermost being’ and was used as a greeting in Kundaline Yoga to help people remember the divine essence of their true selves. 

Sa Ta Na Ma – Melody couldn’t get the four sounds out of her head and now also remembered that her anthropology instructor had explained that those four sounds together also held and symbolized the whole cycle of life: 

“Sa means ‘birth’ or ‘infinity – and refers to the beginning of each cycle, when everything expands,” he had said. “Ta represents ‘life’ and includes growth and transformation – as well as all the experiences we have in our life-time. Na symbolizes ‘death’ – and the end of one life on earth. Ma, finally, means ‘rebirth’ – and starts the cycle all over again.” 

Those sounds, her anthropology teacher had pointed out, were therefore a very powerful mantra and had not only been used by the Yogis and Rishis in ancient times but were also very popular in some Yoga traditions today.

Melody wondered if Saoman knew about those seed sounds and their meaning. He probably did. But what was the connection to the violin sound? The sound of the open G string had nothing to do with syllables. And yet, she was 100% sure that there was a connection….

The engine was humming more softly now – almost as if it was in complete harmony with the sunset outside. The sound inside was also less audible now – though still there. How long would it last? And if it disappeared, would she be able to hear it again? 

Melody was suddenly worried that she would lose that sound – would lose that peaceful embrace that it seemed to offer – and the moment she had that thought, the sound was gone. Totally gone.

 

* * *

 

Melody pulled the car to the side of the road and stopped the engine to listen: nothing. No sound at all…. 

No wrong, there were some sounds: there was the sound of the wind in the air – and then she could hear, right above her head, some birds singing in the tree. But they were not singing the G sound of her violin….

Melody grabbed her phone and texted Saoman: “G gone – can u xplain y?” 

She waited. Nothing. 

She tried to call him. Only his voice message came on. “That G has stopped sounding. Where is it?” She hung up and felt stupid about the message she had just left. She was also annoyed that Saoman had turned off his phone again. He almost always had his phone turned off because he didn’t want to be “the slave of a machine” as he called it….

Melody was tempted to take out her violin and play the G string again but then didn’t. The road she was on was pretty deserted, since her mom lived in the middle of nowhere. But she didn’t want to make a fool of herself. She started the engine again – but instead of driving to her mom’s place she turned around and drove back home. She wanted to be alone with her violin and that G sound. Her mom would understand, if she told her she was too busy to come out….

 

* * *

 

As soon as Melody arrived at her place, she took out the violin again. But she felt the strange compulsion to play the open D string instead of the G string this time. She listened. Nothing. Maybe, if she imagined Saoman standing in the corner of the room wanting her to touch his heart with her sound? 

She listened to the sound again – and then it happened: it filled the world again – even though it was a different sound this time: a D, and not a G.

But the D was just as omnipresent as the G had been – except that it was different. Melody felt peaceful and happy again. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Only the sound was there and was real. Everything else seemed unreal – maya – a trick of the imagination….

Melody wanted to be with that sound forever: just to listen to it – to do nothing else….

She stretched herself out on her couch and kept listening. The sound that was inside and outside drew her inside – and that inside was at the same time outside. 

She felt like flying with the stars and swimming in her own bloodstream at the same time: listening to the music of the spheres – and to the pulses of her nerves and cells…. 

There was no boundary anymore between inside and outside. Everything was just one sound. Or rather: everything was ONE!

 

* * *

 

When Melody woke up, the sun was out. She must have fallen asleep and slept on her couch all night.

She checked her phone. Saoman had texted back: “Don’t worry, nothing can ever get lost. Everything is always here  Relax and listen.” 

He was funny: he used full sentences even when he was texting – but she understood what he meant, even though she didn’t really understand it….

She had her audition at 1:00 pm today – but she didn’t feel like practicing, even though there was still plenty of time. She didn’t care if she got that job or not. The sound would hold her somehow and provide whatever she needed.

She spent the rest of the morning trying to listen inside. There were some echoes now – even though she hadn’t played either the G or the D all day. She could hear the sounds – both sounds and many more. And in a way all these sounds seemed to be the same sound – even though they were all, at the same time, also all the different sounds imaginable….

 

* * *

 

At 12:50 pm, when Melody arrived at the studio for her audition, she was not nervous at all. She was relaxed. She played beautifully – a piece she had never seen before and that she had never practiced. But as soon as she started playing, she heard the piece in her head – because she was listening – and her hands moved by themselves and were drawn by the music.

She got the job – and was happy. But she would have been just as happy, if she had not gotten it. The job didn’t matter anymore. 

What mattered was the sound that was many sounds and one sound at the same time: the sound that filled her and that filled the universe. The sound that connected her with the smallest cell inside her body and with the stars in other galaxies. The sound that was Being itself. The primal sound that had always been there and that would always be there, because there was nothing else that existed except that sound. 

She and everybody and the whole universe were born out of that sound and would go back to it. All music was the song that those primal sounds sang to themselves: Sa Ta Na Ma – birth – life – death – rebirth – over and over again: the same song in many voices, many forms, many traditions, many expressions, many manifestations. 

One sound being many sounds. Many sounds being one sound. And that one sound being the only true reality there was: Sa Ta Na Ma – now and forever.

 

© Gudrun Dreher, September 2022.

NOTE:

The title image has been created with pictures from Pixabay (https://pixabay.com) and some tools from Be Funky (https://www.befunky.com/dashboard/).